Home?

I am sitting in "my bed" at "home" ie. my parent's house, and it is a really strange feeling. It has been a long time since I have slept in this bed, and the last time I did, I wasn't alone.
Having Karsten gone sinks in in new ways every now and then...
The window is open, with the fan blowing in cool September air. I'm sleeping in one of Karsten's shirts that smells like our home--a smell I can't describe. Have you ever tried to describe the smell of home? It is just something familiar...
And now I feel slightly torn between what is more familiar, what seems more like home?
Home is a process. For those who grew up in the military, home is not a geographical place. For me, it is, I think.
Home is the river.
The smell of the Virginia woods.
Creeks.
Christmas brunch with sisters.
It is mix-matched sheets.
The garden.
Drinking wine before dinner...


But now, we are developing a new home. Home with Karsten is...
homemade dinners.
praying before meals and forgetting to bless the food
road trips
our screened porch
and long hugs.

I wish I could gather my thoughts tonight and... describe this feeling of disconnect. I am so happy to be here with family, but the most important part of my family, isn't here. I long for him. And I worry about him. I wish we were here together.

Life at Moody

So, I realize that I kind of fell off the face of the earth for the past few months. But, I'm back!
SO much has happened since April and my last post.
I got married. Moved to Montgomery Georgia. Met lots of great Air Force friends there. Moved to Valdosta Georiga, where we are now stationed for the next several years. Karsten and I had about a month together to get settled into our new house--see Facebook for pictures, and I'll try and post some more on here soon.
Karsten is now in Texas for the next 2 months for his first training school in the Combat Rescue Pipeline (called Indoc) If you're interested in what it is like, watch "Surviving the Cut" on Discovery 10pm Wednesday nights.

Oh there is so much to say, but I should really just post pictures and tell our stories that way.

I'm thankful for:
~Christian wives in Karsten's unit !
~A job in the ER starting in October
~Going home to Virginia in under a week
~Supportive family and friends, and prayers for me and Karsten during this time
~A great home!

Moody here we come

We just got official orders today for Moody Air Force base! I'm so glad to finally have something on paper--and just 3 weeks off from the wedding!
We'll be reporting June 7th, so that gives us an extra week after we're married to pack and get down there.

Moody is in south Georgia, near Valdosta. I'm excited to be going somewhere warm and not terribly far from home.

The military is all new to me, so anyone out there with advice for newcomers, military wives, etc. it is always welcome!

A lot of change is happening at once, but I'm ready for the adventure to begin and am going to take on these challenges with God's strength! (Philippians 4:13)

~

Quality Time

I realize that I am a terrible blogger. Or, perhaps it is because I am getting married in a month, and have been keeping so busy with wedding plans on top of work and spending time with my future husband!

One thing Karsten and I learned in one of our marriage counseling sessions with our Pastor is that our primary love language (same for both of us!) is Quality Time. Which means, whenever we are given the chance to spend time together--we need to take it. It also means that we have to fight for this quality time when it is in short supply. Sometimes all that we are able to do is have a nightly phone call. Most of the time we spend about 30 minutes talking to each other on the phone, but we have to fight to make sure that is actually quality time, and not just talking about wedding plans or logistics--it is easy to spend 30 minutes talking logistics and not getting into deep, intimate, relationship-strengthening conversation.

So, with this new found knowledge of how one of the main ways we express love to each other, Karsten and I have since made it a point to have dates. Our first "date" was a couple weekends ago. We went down to Maymont Park in Richmond and played Frisbee, walked around the gardens, and sat on the edge of a pond and people watched. After that we went to Carytown and shared some Sushi. It was awesome taking this time to do something special with Karsten, and get away from the business of life. I love that we can be happy together doing most anything--whether it is a high-energy activity, sitting in a park watching people, or enjoying a meal together. Karsten is undoubtedly my best friend, and the best friend I've ever had.

This past weekend went out and hiked together on the Appalachian trail. We hiked over 26 miles. It was awesome. I love that we love doing the same types of things! It was probably the most fun I've had with him in a long time. I can't wait for the next adventure we will have together, and a life full of fun trips and memories. I realize that it will take an extra effort on our part, because we will be away from each other so much with his job in the Air Force (especially in the first 2 years) but, I think it will make all the time we do have together all the more special.

So, I may have the chance to ride a horse tomorrow.
The photographer I work for (my neighbor) is taking pictures of Karsten and I tomorrow morning, and when he heard I'd never ridden a horse before, his response was, "we'll have to change that" so, we'll see :)

May be pictures to come...

Blog Parade

I'm joining in on this "blog parade" along with some other big-time bloggers. I don't know all the ins and outs of things like this, but it sounded like fun so.... here we go. :)
1. What's your favorite time of the day, and why?I love late afternoon. I like the color of this sky on a clear sunny day at this time. I like the warmth of the light. I love to watch the sun set. Some of my favorite places to watch the sun set: the roof, a mountain top, the beach (which isn't often cus I live on the east coast). 

2. If health wasn't an issue, what food could you live off of?Bacon. It is already basically a staple in my life. 
3. If you could have one wish granted (besides wishing for more wishes), what would it be?Well, I would love to solve all the world's problems, but that would probably take more than just one wish. So, I'll go the selfish route and I'd wish for gills so that I could breathe underwater. And then maybe I could find a cool way to use gills to solve the world's problems. 

4. What's one thing that you get teased about a lot?My younger sister likes to call me "Jerry" because I have curly hair. (think michael jackson in the 80s) 

5. If you could choose one movie, book, or TV show to spend your life in, which would you pick? What type of character would you be?This takes a little too much imagination for me...I prefer reality. And besides, I read/watch mostly non-fiction. I'm pretty happy with my life, i have plenty of adventure! 
6. If you could have one talent that you don't already have, what would it be?I would be more creative...and this would carry into lots of things, like coming with up creative solutions to problems, cooking, and inventing things. 
7.If money were no object, where would you go on vacation?I would take a world tour and hit up New Zealand, Tahiti, Japan, Hawaii, Italy, Morroco, Peru, and Mexico. 
8. If you were an awesome singer, which genre would you sing?Humm maybe some acoustic blues. That would mean I'd have to play an acoustic instrument too I guess. 
9. If you could have a $10,000 shopping spree to one store, what would it be?REI or another outdoor store. 
10. If you could live in any point in time, when would it be?Right now is just fine. 
11. If every outfit in your wardrobe had to be one color, what would it be?Blue, I guess. That would really stink.
12. If you were one of the seven dwarves, which one would you be?(Doc, Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Bashful, Happy, or Dopey)Doc? 
13. What's the last album you listened to?Album? How about pandora. Phil Wickham radio. 
14. What's something we'd be surprised to know about you?I've never ridden a horse. I would love to race motocross. 

One year ago...

Today Karsten and I have known each other 1 year.

We met last March 1st on a very cold snow day and headed up to Massanutten with some friends for some skiing/snowboarding.
Neither of us could ever have imagined that this is where we would be just one year later...

About to be married!


Karsten has gone from being an acquaintance, to a cycling buddy, a good friend, boyfriend, and now the man I love and will spend my life with! God has been at work all this time in incredible ways. The adventure has already begun, and I can't wait to see more of how it will unfold in the years to come!

Engaged!

Saturday morning started off dark and early. Karsten woke me up at 5:45 to try and catch the sunrise. We drove up to the Blue Ridge parkway only to that it was closed due to the lingering mounds of snow. It was also a very cold morning and the sky was overcast, no sunrise to be seen. We walked from the car over to a stone bridge and sat on a blanket to try and catch a good view. We took some pictures to document our time, and then hurried on to the next stop on our winter morning adventure.

Next Karsten took me to the South River in search of some waterfalls. We passed the waterfalls the first time around, but found a nice bench beside the river and sat there while the sun tried to burn through the clouds. Snow covered the ground and the mountains all around. The water was an icy teal blue. It was all so beautiful. I was enjoying spending time in the outdoors with my best friend, not sure whether to expect something more or just be content with how the morning was going...

After finding the waterfall and stopping on the side of the road to take some pictures, we continued on in search of Lake Merriweather. But instead of finding this lake, we came across some caves! This was a big surprise for both of us, but a lot of fun (We're definitely going to have to go back with flashlights and explore them more extensively) 

By this time it was bright and sunny, and it was getting close to lunch time, or at least it felt that way. We were both hungry and tired, and ready to go home to eat and take a nap. But Karsten had one more stop in mind. On the way back to Lexington, he drove through Goshen and stopped by the river. This spot had special significance for both of us because we'd gone on many rides together through Goshen this past spring, and it is one of Karsten's "favorite spots in the world". It was there on the snowy banks of the river that Karsten told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life having adventures with me, and then asked me to marry him. 

I said yes! 

The ring is absolutely amazing. It was worth every bit of time I waited. It is so special. And even more amazing is the fact that Karsten will soon be my husband! He is such a gift from God, I am continually so amazed at God's provision and blessing on our relationship! I couldn't be happier or more excited! 

On Love

Valentines day is coming soon, and naturally we begin to think about love...

What is love? 

This question is not easily answered, because there are so many layers to love. Love is a noun. Love is a verb. Love is an adjective. Love can be a simple emotion. A complex feeling. But it is so much more...

The word "love" is used in the Bible hundreds of time. We as Christians know that Love is central to the very nature of God, and because we are created in His image, it is also very central to our own nature. 

But what does it mean, what does it look like in daily life?

Here are some of my thoughts and reflections on love:

Love is: 

commitment

faithfulness

a deep caring

affection

selflessness

tenderness

Love is characterized by: 

unconditional forgiveness

honoring one another above yourself

giving

serving

honoring

cherishing 

sacrificing

C.S. Lewis wrote an excellent book on the nature of love called The Four Loves.

It is one of my all-time favorites. I read it for the first time my freshman year in college, and since then have had a better understanding of the "types" of love from an intellectual standpoint. 

I think in order to truly understand what love is, we have to look at it from more than just an emotional angle. It requires the mind to understand--yet it will remain an wonderful mystery. It requires the heart to know--although the human heart will not ever fully grasp it. And most of all it requires a spiritual awareness, because apart from God there is no love, and without knowing God we cannot know what love truly is. 

One of the most exciting promises that God has for us is this, "If we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us" (1 John 4:12) I think it is simply amazing how these two loves, love for God and love for each other, are very distinct but yet so interconnected. Just think about that for a minute, 

isn't it wonderful? 

Registered Nurse

I took boards on Wednesday and found out yesterday that I passed! Which means, I'm officially and Registered Nurse!

This actually means something now: 

College and Nursing School felt like a long journey at the time. But I'm finished now! I learned an incredible amount--far more than nursing--during the past 4.5 years. Mainly I learned to be flexible (still working on that), to overcome huge challenges, to prioritize time, deal with stress (also still working on that, but I've dome a LONG way), and to value and cherish life in a new way. 

I could write a book about all the experiences I had. Stories from clinicals, from class, from my time working in the ER... but if I tried to post that all here, it would take too long. Right now I'm just happy to say that I am a Nurse! 

Proud of these girls, too! 

Trust

Right now I am having a really difficult time surrendering all my worries to the Lord and resting in His peace.
Floods of emotions, worries, and concerns have come over me in the past couple of days and I have been struggling to place them all at the feet of Jesus.
I want to trust God with every detail of my life. Yet, I worry about not having a job, and not having any money to pay for simple things. I forget often the ways God is providing for me: a place to live, food to eat, a car to drive (although no money for gas) and parents who are there for me.
I worry about how all the details of my future with Karsten will work out. Specifically things related to timing, money, job... I forget that God has all of this under His control. And even when I remember this, it is hard for me to be at peace. I think this is simply because of my sinful nature...

I realize that I am the type of person that likes to know the plan, the type of person that likes to be the one in charge of the plan, making things happen. This mindset and personality simply isn't conducive to walking with Christ. It is so hard to be broken in this area, but I want to be. I want to learn to surrender completely all my tendencies to plan, take charge, maintain control. I want to walk daily with my Lord, even if I don't know the next step. All He asks is for us to "Be still and know that I AM" This is so hard for me to do.

The other night I was talking with Mrs. Dixon and she said something that she reminds herself of often is this phrase: For His glory, and for my good. Everything that happens for these reasons. I do find some comfort and being reminded of this. At least when I am asking the question, "why?" I have my answer: For His glory, and for my good. I can trust in that promise.

Please pray for me in this area. Pray for me to daily surrender and trust God. Pray for God to mold me into a woman of confidence, patience and peace.

Transitions

These past few weeks God has been teaching me a lot about patience. I have so much to learn. I am so far off the mark when it comes to this. He has tested my patience in many ways: taking care of 2 little kids for 10 days with little help, job hunting, waiting to hear if I got a job after an interview, hearing that I didn't get the job and back to waiting, waiting to know if and when I will be moving out west, when I will be getting married...

This time in my life has certainly be characterized by waiting. Waiting on God. Waiting on direction. One of the things I have the hardest time doing is waiting. I always want to be moving. Pressing on. Doing. When I have an idea, I want to go for it and make it happen. Make it happen--that has been my mindset for so long. But God wants to teach me how to rely on Him, wait on Him, and let Him make it happen.

He has proven Himself faithful over and over again in my life. But I, in my impatience and selfishness, still try to take over and do things my own way.

Right now I am waiting to take NCLEX. I am trying to focus my energies on studying for this big exam, while not worrying about my lack of job. It is hard, because I hardly have the money to pay for gas and my cell phone bill. But once again, God always provides just what I need. I do not know what job he will provide for me. In my limited vision I can't see how I will be able to get a decent job for only 3-4 months. Again, I am back to waiting and trusting Him. He does have something good in store for me.

I am so thankful that God has blessed me with a partner in life who knows Him, loves Him, and desires to follow Him in his ways. Karsten has been a huge support and anchor in my life these past few weeks. We have both gone through times of frustration, exhaustion, worry, and fear, but God has used us in each other's lives to provide peace, confidence and re-direction to our Lord. I could not be more thankful for him. I know that God is at work in our lives and in our relationship and I am excited about what lies ahead for us

!